Aaahhhh. September. I love you so.
September is my favorite month. The weather is always perfect, the crowds are gone and there are birthdays galore (New Year’s babies for sure). I’m also lucky enough to live in San Diego where September doesn’t mean the beginning of the end of summer. Days are definitely getting shorter but there isn’t any looming feeling about winter letting my depression gene bust out of its cage. Summer weather is still in full swing. The heat won’t let up. I’ve been sweating since July and my poor house plants didn’t survive.
The summer buzz is finally starting to calm down, though. Thank goodness. For a minute there – ok…a month – I wasn’t sure I was going to make it out alive. The past few months flew by and were a constant stream of working hard, partying harder and learning to manage a new type of life. It was intense and fun and exhausting and exciting all at the same time. I’m almost done. It is time for a rest, please.
Yes, I love September. I actually seem to be in love with everything right now. I love all the beach days and all the boys. All the food and all the drinks. All the work and all the stress. All the sleep and all the books. All the sunsets and all the rain. Even all the Ocean Beach bums. I had an awesome trip to Cabo San Lucas planned for my 30th birthday. It was cancelled due to natural disaster. Somehow I’m even finding a way to love that. If some hurricane with a wacky name wants to try to ruin my birthday, so be it. A hurricane has literally rained on my parade but guess what? I’m turning 30 and I’m pumped.Whats better than dancing and kissing and laughing in the rain anyways? I can’t think of a damn thing. This is all proof that let me love you works. It fucking works, you guys. Give love, get love. Its that simple.
I’m turning 30. Tomorrow. Omg omg omg. One ‘omg’ for every decade. I could not be more excited. My 20’s were wonderful. They were also all over the place and extremely tough on me. I’m more than ready to leave them behind and start something new.
In the great grand scheme of the Universe, though, this is all just too much for me to handle. I’ve been working on myself a lot lately (amidst the summer party). Ever since this ridiculous disaster, I’m doing my best to actively trust the Universe. To give up control and have an unconditional acceptance for anything and everything that comes my way. I was supposed to be on flight to Cabo Sunday morning. Instead, that hurricane had me lying in bed feeling sorry for myself. I decided I would try to be “productive.” I opened my computer and hopped onto Craigslist. I came across an ad for an “Internet Health Publisher Assistant” in a category I never would have normally been looking through. But there I was, not believing my own eyes as Sean Croxton was personally inviting me via Craigslist to apply to be his assistant. This guy has been on my “Things I Love” page since my very first blog post. And now…only now that I am NOT on a flight to Cabo San Lucas am I finding an easily accessible opportunity to work with him? You can’t make this shit up. This is life happening before your eyes.
He said no resumes – how many times have I said I never want another job that wants my resume? He just wanted a four minute video detailing all the books I’ve read this year and why I’m a good fit.
Sweet…I’ve got an iPhone. I can make a video.
Awesome…I read books. Lots of them.
Omg…this is the most snuggly fit of all time.
I made my video and sent him the link. Twenty-four hours later he emailed me asking for a Skype chat. Twenty-seven hours later we were chatting. Twenty-seven hours and 11 minutes later he asked me if I wanted the job. I almost thought he was kidding. I said yes anyways. Starting Thursday, I work for Sean Croxton. Someone that I have admired for years. Someone that is smarter than me. Someone that I can actually learn from and does something I care about and respect. Something I am genuinely excited about. I get to be a part of that. My life direction, attitude, focus, excitement – all changed within a matter of hours. How can you not trust the Universe when things like this happen? The timing. The history. The feeling. The everything. It is just too much. I almost can’t believe it is real. But it is real. Real magic.
How did I even get here? It feels like it came out of nowhere. How did I do this? It always seemed like nothing was ever enough. Why do I deserve this? There has just got to be someone else. Can I even handle this opportunity? First of all…yes. I can. You know why? Because life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. As in – how do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment. No, I didn’t write that. I don’t know who did either. I have it written on a post-it note hanging above my laptop.
Really. How did I even get here and why is this even happening?
Oh. That’s right.
It’s because I lived the shit out of the last 8 years of my life.
It’s because when it got hard, I leaned directly into it because the fastest, only way out is straight through.
It’s because I knew things weren’t working for me and I went to extremes to figure out why.
It’s because I had my heart broken over and over and loved people and places and things that died or went away or never loved me back and I decided to keep on loving no matter what.
It’s because I decided that I could have everything I wanted once I decided that I already had everything I wanted.
It’s because I told the universe my dream without doubt or apology and I gave the universe time and space to bring it to me.
It’s because I decided how I wanted to feel every day and that it didn’t really matter what it looked like or how it came to me as long as it felt right.
I got here because I was scared but I did it or said it anyway.
I got here because I failed and fucked up and some days didn’t know if I would ever get out of bed again but I still kept going.
I got here and I deserve this because I refuse to be anything but myself and I will never apologize for it ever again.
I got here because I remember every single day that gratitude will turn anything you have into more than you could ever dream of.
I am here because I know that it gets better and that the bad day you think is never going to end is the very part that makes the good part good.
I’m here because I know without a doubt that every one of us can do more, have more, love more, be more.
I got here because I learned that the reason it’s so hard and hurts so much?
Is because you’re doing it right.
Want to see the 4 minutes that changed my life? Here they are.
I say awesome too much. Then again, life is awesome so nevermind. Thank you for the best birthday present ever, Universe. This gratitude could make me explode.
You too, September. I freaking love you.