May 302012
 

If I could be in two places at once, I would be in the kitchen and the gym at the same time. Because then it would be easier to remember why I don’t want to eat things that don’t make me feel good and how much I want to be healthy and strong. And the kitchen me and the gym me would finally be able to work together instead of constantly working against each other and I would always make the right choice and it would always be easy.

If I could be in two places at once, I would be at work for someone else and at work for myself at the same time. Because then I wouldn’t have to worry that I might not get a paycheck, because that other person is going to pay me, and I would be doing what I’m “supposed” to do and what I really want to do at the same time, and I would be able to write and record and help people the way that I want to without stressing about how I’m going to pay off my car and my credit cards and my student loans. And I wouldn’t have to be afraid of failing, because I would go at my own pace and have that other guy backup, and I wouldn’t even think about failing so I wouldn’t, since we all know that thinking about all the ways to fail is the the thing that makes you fail.

If I could be in two places at once, I would be at my house in my room with the door closed and be out socializing with everyone at the same time. Because then I wouldn’t have to feel bad about feeling bad, and the side of me that wants to be alone can be alone and the part of me that just needs someone can be satisfied all at once and I wouldn’t have to burden anyone with the side they don’t want to see. And I would never have to pretend that I wanted to be out when I didn’t or wanted to be alone when I don’t because I would get to do both together and nobody would have to know what was going on in the other place.

If I could be in two places at once, I would be in my room looking at the picture of you and your girlfriend on facebook and be wherever you both are at the same time. Because you look so happy in the pictures, and I want you to be happy, but I don’t want to believe that you are that happy without me in your life, and from the pictures it looks like you never even think about me at all. And I think if I could look at the picture and then compare it to what is happening in real life, I might be able to believe that it is really real and finally be able to let it go.

If I could be in two places at once, I would go to the place I always miss the most whenever I go somewhere else and also the other place I always miss the most at the same time. Because then I would be able to really know which one I feel happier in, and never forget what the other one really feels like and I won’t have to always think I’m missing out on something or someone or somewhere. And if I didn’t have to think that, I might feel like I am actually doing something right and feel that I actually belong with someone or belong somewhere.

If I could be in two places at once, I would go back to a place in time when I thought that things would never change or get better and be here now at the same time. Because no matter how many times I get through a time like that, I always have trouble believing that I will get through this time, too. And all I want is to know that its going to be OK, so I can stop thinking about what’s going to happen and really enjoy what is happening right now. And if I could be here and back there at the same time, I could see that it changes, and gets better, and I always get through it and I won’t have to worry about whether or not its going to be OK, because I’ll just know that I’m changing and I’m getting better and I’m getting through it.

 May 30, 2012