Jan 062014
 

OK – I guess I’m ready for the new year. I don’t feel like I’ve felt other years, though. There have been some years that I just couldn’t wait to leave behind. This year wasn’t like that. I think part of it is because my concept of time has evolved a bit. Another reason is that I actually kind of liked 2013. I think it was a pretty good year. It was an especially good year when I think about where I started and where I’ve ended up. I spent the better part of the year in a really dark place and acted like a complete idiot for most of the summer. I drove myself back across the country to start over in San Diego not knowing what I would find. In reality, I’m glad I made it out alive. I met amazing people, did amazing things, and learned a shitload about myself and the world around me. I thought 2012 was an epic year for that but in hindsight 2013 has it beat for sure. If I can just keep that going, making sure every year is better than the last, then I’m surely on the right track.

So I’m looking forward to what is ahead and will leave the bullshit in 2013. Last year I made a list of all the things I couldn’t believe I did the previous year. I have the confidence right now to say that I can’t surprise myself anymore. There won’t be any more un-believing on my part so that isn’t what this post is going to be like. I truly know that I can do anything I want to do. It is just a matter of putting in the work to make it happen. So how do I make this the best year yet?

Remember the lessons I’ve learned. 
Being patient with yourself is just as important as being patient with other people. It always takes longer than you think it will. I agreed to everything that comes my way. Family is the most important thing. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. I don’t do winter. Traveling is the fastest way to grow yourself. Trust the Universe. Trust yourself. Nobody knows what the hell they’re doing. San Diego makes me feel free. The only way to truly get through something is to feel it 100%. Rejection is always a blessing in disguise.

Slowly move away from the things that no longer serve me.
Still missing people that don’t miss me. Being scared to ask for what I want. Letting my ego take over. Allowing other people to distract me from things that I really want and need. Drinking too much. Eating too much. Pushing myself when I need to rest. Judging myself too harshly. Judging other people too harshly. Doing things that I don’t want to do. Spending time with people that I don’t like. Comparing myself to anyone but myself.

Stay focused on how I want to feel everyday. 
Grateful. Lusty. Free. Calm. Strong. Connected. Abundant. Fearless.

So what do I want to do this year?
I want to write more. I want to read more. I want to drop the sugar. I want to drop the soy. I want to get my body in the best shape it has ever been in. I want another tattoo. I want a relationship with a good man. I want to grow my own vegetables. I want to take more steps towards working for myself. I want to nurture some of the relationships I have. I want to distance myself from others. I want to grow up. I want to continue progress fixing my finances. I want to become a better communicator. I want to travel again. I want to learn Spanish. I want to skip more, cook more, dance more, laugh more.

More, more, more. Please just give me more of this beautiful life.

 January 6, 2014