Well, I think they read my last post.
I wasn’t being given a break so that I wouldn’t quit. It turns out that I was given a break so they could get ready to fire me when I showed up to work on Friday. I’m not going to waste time and energy with the details here. I am going to say that it is a bunch of shady bullshit. You can say all you want about it not being “personal.” There is nothing “business” about firing your top performer. I guess it is always personal, right? It is always personal and the only person that really matters in your life is you. You are nothing but a little speck of fucking dust in the universe as far as everyone else is concerned. You can do your best, you can do everything you possibly know how to do, you can do better than everyone else around you and you can still fucking lose.
My resume is better than yours and nobody gives a fuck.
I get passing moments of rage about how I was let go. I do my best to move on quickly and conserve my energy. I want to feel nothing but gratitude for this result. A decision that I’ve needed to make for myself was finally made for me. I don’t agree with the way it was handled. I guess if that mattered so much I would have taken care of it myself. Fortunately, I probably won’t ever see those people again. Their lack of compassion will make it that much easier for me to move on.
And just like that, in just a few minutes, a few words…just like that, you are free. You are free to do anything you want. The trajectory of your life is forever changed. You thought you couldn’t do it. You thought you were tied down to this obligation, these people, this job, this thing that never really even mattered or existed in the first place. It was interchangeable with a million other opportunities or jobs or people on this planet. The meaning you gave to it seems ridiculous.
So yes, you are free now. The future has no boundaries or limits. The future is always more exciting than the past. That will always be one of the most beautiful things in life.
But if Wednesday was the day that I cry and feel like shit, then Friday is the day that made me want to throw up everywhere all over everything I’ve ever been, done and said. And Saturday is the day that I get really fucked up and cry some more and try to forget that the whole thing ever happened.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow is the day I start over. I’ve started over a million times. I don’t know much but I know I can start over.
Anyone can do the right thing when it is all going as planned. What about when everything goes wrong? This is when the things you do and say matter the most. It matters the most when it hurts so much you can’t breathe. It matters the most when nothing is going your way. It matters the most when you get blindsided on a Friday afternoon. It matters the most when you want to react but you hold your thoughts and your words for just one more moment. It matters the most when you feel like the victim but decide to take full responsibility for your life and every decision you’ve ever made. You feel like it makes you weak. You feel like you have to prove something to everyone. You have nothing to prove. You are the proof. That life should be lived honestly, authentically and on your own terms. Anything else is wasted time.
So this is the day that matters.
The day when you want to give up but you keep going. When you want to lash out but you take the high road. When you want to play the blame game but you decide to learn and grow yourself instead. This is the day you realize that your soul is finally stronger and louder than your ego and you get to walk away unscathed and wiser and free and infinite and as light as the air you breathe into your lungs.