May 132016
 

Everyone Deserves a Second Chance

But what if they don’t want one? I tried to talk to him. It wasn’t the best time, but it was the only time that I had. He didn’t want to talk to me. He answered all my questions with questions. He didn’t even want to look me in the eye. (I don’t know why not. I get complimented on them all the time.) A week later he ignored me on the street, twice in one day. It hurts in a can’t breathe kind of way. I wish I didn’t hurt because of someone who does that. But it still hurts.

It’s possible he doesn’t like the way he acted and is embarrassed and doesn’t know what to say to me and is afraid of what I’ll say (I’m intimidating, remember?). It’s possible he thinks I’m mad and don’t want to talk to him again. I do want to talk to him, and I think everyone deserves a second chance. I think the more possible thing is that he doesn’t want a second chance from me, and it certainly seems like I’m not going to get one from him. Both these things are equally terrible.

If  (blank) , don’t go on Facebook on a day that someone (blank). 

Like, if your mother is dead, don’t go on Facebook on Mother’s day!

If you can’t get pregnant, don’t go on Facebook the day someone else announces they’re having a boy and are SO excited!

If you just got dumped, don’t go on Facebook the day someone uglier or meaner or more annoying than you gets engaged!

If you hate your job, don’t go on Facebook the day someone posts about their awesome vacation or big huge promotion!

If you’re not sure you can pay rent this month, don’t go on Facebook the day someone just got keys to their new house!

So, I guess don’t go on Facebook any day or time that you don’t feel amazing and awesome about anything and everything and everyone.

“Oops” or “What if?”

Would you rather make a mistake or always be wondering what if? I can’t choose. Because sometimes I decide that I don’t want to wonder what-if anymore, so I just do the thing and it ends up being an “oops” anyways. At least then you can stop wondering and move on with your life. And “oops” can’t really ever be a what if unless you’re thinking, “What if that never happened?”

And wondering about that is pointless, really, because it did happen and you can’t go back or change it or fix it or even explain yourself, not even if you try. I guess oops is all that’s left because it turns out any “what if” is either going to be awesome or is going to turn into an oops eventually anyways. So, instead of wondering what if we should just spend that time trying to love all the oops.

Hillary and OJ 

OJ wins the case and it’s great for like two seconds while people are celebrating, thinking that there has been some huge progress made against racism. Then two seconds are over and OJ is still a murderer and people are still racists and nothing really changes and may have even been made worse, because the system just let a murderer go free.

You can think that having a woman president is going to be a huge big awesome deal for women everywhere, but is it? What if it just makes it worse, because instead of focusing on who is the best you focus on trying to make a point? I’m certainly a feminist and a woman president sure sounds awesome, until it stops being awesome because she’s still a gross corrupt politician and not the right woman for the job, and will likely not make much progress as a president, and ends up just making the whole thing go backwards because people can say she’s doing a terrible job “because she’s a woman” and takes the attention away from all the stuff that really actually matters.

How to Get What You Want

Right now I have the freedom to work when I want, where I want, how I want. I struggled for years so that I can go to yoga or get a massage or go to the beach in the middle of the day. I can go out partying on a Wednesday or work my ass off all weekend if that’s what I decide to do. This is what I want. This is what I like. You don’t know what I’ve done for this. I probably work more than you, too. I’m not sorry.

I guess when people see me doing whatever I want in the middle of the day they might get upset, because they also want to do whatever they want in the middle of the day, but they can’t because they have a job that they hate. This happened to me this week when someone I know saw me going for a leisurely walk with coffee in the middle of the day and told me to “Get a fucking job.”

The funny thing is that a surefire way to push away what you want is to judge and criticize the people who already have it. If you want lots of money, you can’t resent the wealthy. If you want to find love, you can’t feel anger towards every couple you see. If you want to be happy, you can’t spend your time around people who love being miserable.

And if you want to be free and to live life on your own terms, you can’t tell someone who has figured out how to do it that they’re doing something wrong.



 May 13, 2016